Yes, Mother’s Might Just Be A Bit Insane!


Motherhood. What is the first thing you think of when you think of that word? The big one, obviously, is having a child/children. From there the thoughts spread out to a various number of things. For new moms it may be thoughts of those precious times holding an infant. The sweet baby coo’s and smells. For moms of toddlers, the daily adventure of watching their child discover the world around them. For mom’s of young children, the joy of watching their child(ren) discover their God given talents and abilities. Then watching in amazement as their children discover how they are going to use their talents to influence the world around them. The mom’s of the young adults, thoughts of joy (yes, a bit of sadness too), as their children take that first step into the big, scary world on their own. Grandmothers, the joy of getting to relive those moments all over again through their grandchildren.

Most of the time when we think of motherhood it is synonymous with good thoughts. And YES it is good! Motherhood is a wonderful thing! However, when we think honestly about the actual process in how we became mothers…it is a bit scary. One could easily say we are insane!

From the time I was a small girl. I mean really, really small; a toddler, I knew I wanted to be a mother. I wanted babies and lots of them. Not just one or two, but six children. (I am halfway there!) In my mind I would grow up, marry and have babies. Three boys and three girls to be specific. And yes, I had their names all picked out. I did not care what my future husband thought of the names, for the only reason I was going to do the marriage part was because I knew a daddy was required to be a mommy. I did not know the details, other than if I wanted to be a mommy and there had to be a daddy involved. Of course over the years much has changed. As I got older I wanted a husband; and not just to be a sperm donor. While I was able to use some of the names I choose, some my husband vetoed. For example, Wolfgang Armond – but I can still hope!

Most of us get excited when we hear that a new baby is on the way. We ooh and aah over all the cute baby items. We can’t wait to meet the new little one. We share our pregnancy stories. All the joy, anticipation and excitement is a good thing. A baby is a wonderful, amazing creation of God. But with the excitement of finding out we are pregnant comes the thought that labor is inevitable and there is going to be pain involved. I naively figured I could handle the pain. I mean after, all we women were created for the purpose of having children. Our bodies were specifically designed to bring life into this world. I got this right! How I wish someone would have sat me down and told me how it was, really was. Not just the birth, but the entire pregnancy. So here it is…the cold hard facts.

The first trimester. The joy of finding out a life is growing inside you is such an amazing experience. Unfortunately, it is also just about that time, or not long after, that you start to feel the symptoms of being pregnant. Tired all the time. You wake up in the morning feeling rested, but within thirty minutes you want go back to bed. The act of getting dressed and ready for the day will wipe out all your energy. A nap is a must, at least once during the day. With the first baby this is not too big of a challenge, unless you work outside the home. However, with toddlers or other young children in the house, this makes the nap a bit more challenging! Besides that, the reality is no matter how much sleep you do manage, you are tired all the time!

Then there is the morning sickness. And who by the way named it morning sickness…a man??? Someone who never has experienced a pregnancy first hand? Because there is nothing ‘morning’ about it. While all women are different, I have talked to many, who like me suffered from horrible ‘morning sickness’ that really lasts all day. ALL DAY! You have to plan your days around easy access to a toilet. And the nausea. Yes, there are medications that help. That make it possible to keep your food and drink down 80% of the time, however you are still nauseous ALL DAY! And the medicines, they sure have their fun side effects. Like constipation. So as your body is spewing things out the top end, your bottom end no longer wants to function as it should. Now you add fiber, prune juice and laxatives to your already upset stomach.

And as if it could not get any worse…the smells. You develop a super human ability to smell. You think you want superpowers? Nope, you don’t want this one. You quickly learn the art of holding your breathe in crowds of people, around trash dumpsters and cans, in bathrooms and always, always around food. Let’s talk about food. The sudden cravings for foods you might never have eaten or preferred in the past, while things you normally would have eaten you will not touch. Even if someone offered you a million dollars you will not dare put it in your mouth. Some foods are so bad that just seeing them, or the thought of them can send you running to the bathroom to empty the contents of your stomach.

The second trimester, known as the honey moon period. Yes, out of all three trimesters this is the one where most women feel their best. But he only thing ‘honey moon’ about this trimester is the thousands off dollars you are going to spend on a maternity wardrobe and items for the baby. I am thankful that our maternity clothes are stylish nowadays compared to past generations. It is the only time in our lives we are trying to show off our bellies not hide them! Paying about a thousand dollars for a new wardrobe that you only wear for a few months is crazy! OK, so you can save the clothes for the future pregnancies, buy really nice used baby gear that you can also pass down. Still, you will spend hundreds initially.

The good news is you have a bit more energy and the morning sickness and nausea are mostly gone. The bad new is you trade those symptoms in for a lot of new ones. Super strong cravings. Now that you have an appetite again, your body can crave some crazy stuff. However, its not so much what you are craving, but the overwhelming control these craving can have. You cannot ignore these cravings, they will not go away with time. You have to have it and have it now! And woe to whomever gets your order wrong, your husband and or the wait staff at the restaurant! Your pregnancy hormones are crazy at this point. You may get angry or you might cry; your emotions are all over the place. And it is not just food that will make you cry. I was watching a Pampers commercial once and began to cry. I also found myself on several occasions crying for no other reason than I felt like crying. So the need for extra tissues around the house is a must. Not just for the crying mind you.

Oh no, your mucus membranes are overproducing while you are pregnant so you are a blubbering, slobbering fool. And when I say mucus…it is not just your nose! You might not be getting your monthly period anymore, but you will still need those pads! And is that all…NO, NOT EVEN CLOSE. As the trimester goes on you can add heartburn. Thanks to the heartburn you add more over the counter medications to your daily intake. Hemorrhoids can develop (thanks to all the constipation and weight gain). Welcome stretch marks, back pain, aching feet, muscle spasms. Various skin conditions that range from a blush tone to acne, (though for some the skin will actually be clear). Gas, yes I said that, gas! Lots of gas. Plus frequent runs to the bath room as your bladder is getting squeezed. And there can even be more lovely surprises. With my first pregnancy I woke up one morning to find my gums on the bottom row of teeth had peeled back. This totally freaked me out. So of course I get an emergency appointment with my dentist. Come to find out that my pregnancy hormones were the cause of my gums pulling back. It would stop doing so and go back to normal once my pregnancy ended. I also found out this condition was not that uncommon. Not uncommon??? I had never heard of such a strange thing before. And the list goes on and on. The idea of a pregnant glow? I don’t know where that came from. Maybe to make us feel better perhaps? For I am not sure I would say that a big, blubbering, snot nosed, constipated, aching, moody, gassy woman is ‘glowing’.

The third trimester. Unfortunately during this trimester you don’t ‘loose’ any side effects of being pregnant, but you do gain a few more. Plus the side effects you already have now get magnified as the pregnancy continues on. The tiredness that you felt during the first trimester returns. You will be tired all the time. Only now you are so big that sleep is almost impossible. You can buy all the expensive fancy pregnancy pillows you wish or try sleeping more upright in a comfy chair. But no matter what you do, you will not be able to get comfortable for long. And if you do manage to get into a temporary comfortable position, it is not long lived. You will have to pee. You will be running to the bathroom all the time. You will begin to plan your outings around bathrooms as you did during the first trimester. Worse, you might even have to wear incontinence pads. (Save any extras for after baby is born, because you’ll need them!) You have no more room for your bladder as the baby is taking up a lot of room now. Laughing, sneezing, coughing or even trying to hold your bladder may cause you to leak. Coughing and sneezing at this stage often causes you to see stars…yes, just like in the old cartoons. Breathing also becomes more difficult. You easily fall out of breath. You feel like you have just run a marathon walking from one room to another. Heart burn gets worse (though once baby drops you do get a bit of relief there). However, when that baby drops, you know you are getting near the end so apprehension of your current condition can start to mess with your mind.

At the end of my second pregnancy I began to recall what labor was like and decided to change my mind; I was done. I was not going to do it. (LOL…like we have a choice.) That baby is coming whether we like it or not! The constipation that was with us most of the pregnancy goes away only to be replaced by diarrhea. (The bodies way of preparing for birth.) The vomiting and nausea that we experienced during the first trimester can return. Not nearly as bad, but still not pleasant!

And then the big moment arrives. The labor. While different for each woman and with each pregnancy, its still labor. And the pain??? OH NO! No, no, no! I have heard it described as a ‘bit worse’ than period cramps. LIE’S, ALL LIES! At first labor is not bad…but just wait. If I were not having a baby, I would have thought I was dying! You also hear, ‘oh you forget about the pain’. MORE LIES! You don’t, at least I didn’t and I doubt I ever will. When my teen daughter, who witnessed both my labors (and the birth of my second), asked me how bad the pain was. I told her its the worse pain you can ever imagine. EVER! Like truly, your body feels like it is going to explode, rip open (which it does in certain areas). However, in that same statement I also told her it was the most wonderful experience I had and that I would do it over and over and over again.

I am now only three months out from my last delivery and already I am looking forward to being pregnant again. Crazy??? Maybe. We Mother’s go through all this and more each time we bring a sweet little one into this world. (And its just the beginning of parenthood.) Yes, one could say we are definitely insane, crazy as we willingly put ourselves through this process over and over again. However, despite all the crazy, horrible, difficult things that our bodies go though during a pregnancy, it is so worth it! That moment when you get to meet and hold the baby you have been carrying inside for all those months; it is indescribable. Words cannot explain the miracle of birth and do it justice.

To the woman He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in pain you shall bring forth children;… Genesis 3:16

While we do have lots of sorrows, the blessings of motherhood truly outweigh them. So happy Mother’s Day to mother’s everywhere! Whether you physically gave birth to your children, or opened your home and heart in the adoption prices (which is no less amazing, and painful at times!), what an amazing role we have! We might just be a little crazy, but at the end of the day, nothing beats the snuggles, hugs, and kisses of our precious little ones!

Calling All Husbands! (And the wife who supports him!)


This father’s day I wanted to take the time to write about the roles of a father in the Christian household. Society would have us believe that the father is no longer a necessary part of the family. That children can be raised just fine without a male role model. In fact, if you really pay attention to the message being portrayed in the media today, it appears as if fathers are complete idiots, incompetent, and only good for comic relief; in some cases a harmful hindrance. That the true child rearing and running of the household comes from the capable, smart, liberated women who does it all. (I am NOT stating that women are not capable, or smart. We are). However, God’s plan is not for us to be the leaders of the house. His plan is that our husbands are the leaders, the head of our household.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Ephesians (5:23 KJV)

It amazes me that many Christian households don’t prescribe to this. I have heard multiple reasons. From, ‘That was how society used to run, but we women are no longer seen as second class citizens.’ To, ‘Well I am not against the whole submitting thing. It works for some, but not our family. I can’t let my husband lead because he is an idiot.’

First off God has not changed. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8-9) His word is just as relevant today as it was in the past. Second, don’t believe the lie that a submissive wife is a second class citizen. O that a woman is somehow not equal to man. We were created equal. God created both man and woman; we are co heirs in heaven. However, our positions in the family are not equal; (though each are equally important!) Third, I would say that regardless of whether of not you married an idiot, you are to submit to your husband as the head of the household. Nowhere does God’s word say “wives’ submit to your husbands, unless he is an idiot.” THIS IS WHY WHO WE MARRY IS SUCH A HUGE DECISION! Now, I really doubt most of us are married to idiots. But if you are, then you still have to submit to his authority. God did not command us wives to submit to our husbands only under certain condition, we are commanded to submit period! This is why we need to talk to our daughters and other single women in our lives, preferably from an early age, stressing the need for them to wait for a Boaz to come along BEFORE they say ‘I do.’

Because we live in a society where the roles of men and women have been drastically bastardized, what exactly is the role of a husband? The first role of the husband is to be the spiritual leader. This is a big responsibility! While each of us have to choose whether we accept Jesus’ gift of salvation, it is the role of the husband and father to take charge. Make sure the family regularly attends a Bible believing church. Leads his family in worship. Encourages prayer and the reading of the word. Can you imagine having this great responsibility placed on you? Can you imagine what it would be like if you did not take this role seriously, knowing that someday you will stand before God, giving an account of your life, having to explain why as a husband and father you did not take this role seriously??? Yes, we all will someday stand in front of our creator giving an account of our lives, but as women, we don’t have the title of spiritual leader placed on us. While I know that God equips men to fulfill the task he has given them, still I am glad I don’t have this responsibility. This is huge! This is definitely one area men should not be lax on! Have you noticed that often times when you observe families today, the wives are in this role. This happens for several reasons. One being the husband is not a believer, and the two are unequally yoked. This is very frustrating, trying to raise godly children in an unequally yoked environment. And while I know many women are doing their best to be the spiritual leader, it will never work as well as if the man is in that role. If this is the case in your home, don’t lose hope and don’t forget you are still to submit to your husband! (As long as what he asks of you does not go against God’s word.)

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; (1 Peter 3:1 KJV)

Another reason many men today don’t know how to lead is they were not shown. Perhaps your husband grew up in single family household, or in a household where the ‘woman wore the pants.’ This too can be challenge. It can be frustrating when you want your man to lead, but he does not for lack of knowledge. First, bring this concern to the Lord. Second I would advise you to find a group of Christian men, who are strong in their faith and are willing to mentor and help your husband grow in his walk with the Lord. We all need a Paul, Timothy and Barnabas in our lives. (Paul’s to guide, Timothy’s to mature and Barnabas’ to challenge.)

The number one reason that will ALWAYS prevent a man from taking the lead on the Spiritual development of his family is his lack of relationship with the Lord. We all need daily quite time with the Lord. If your husband is not daily spending time in prayer and the word, he will not be able to lead your family properly. There are lots of ways you can come alongside your husband and help him to accomplish this. One way is to encourage him by offering to wake up an hour earlier and spend time with the Lord together. What a great way to begin each day!

The second role of a man is to nurture and love his wife (family). In fact your husband is commanded to love you as Christ loves the church. (Ephesians 5:25). On that verse alone I am glad I am not a man! Another huge responsibility. The liberated women would have us believe that being a submissive wife is degrading, old-fashioned. That we serve our husbands day in and day out, while they sit in front of the television after a long day at work. That our days filled with housecleaning and child rearing are awful and unrewarding. They would have us believe that we are not truly happy unless we are living for ourselves. First, being a stay at home wife and mother is not old fashioned and degrading. It truly is the most rewarding role we as women will ever experience in this life.

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:4-5 (KJV)

As you just read above, being a homemaker is the role God created us women for. If God’s will is for us to be homemakers, then we will definitely NOT be unhappy in that position. In fact, the opposite is quite true. If we are living a life in accordance to His will, then we will be filled with joy and contentment.

If our husbands follow their commandment to love us as Christ loves the church, not only will they too be filled with joy and contentment, but outsiders looking in will see the sacrifices they make daily, serving wife and family. People will not look at us and think ‘that poor woman,’ instead they will be envious of us!

Now, when I say our husbands are serving us, I don’t mean that we women now have a pass to sit on our rear watching television all day. We still need to pull our weight in order for our families to run proficiently. That is the beauty of it…husband and wife both have to be willing to fulfill their roles to the best of their abilities. When that happens, marriage and family life runs like a well-oiled machine. I don’t have to ask my husband to take care of the house, to mow the lawn, make repairs, and keep the vehicles in running condition. He does these things because this is his responsibility. Above and beyond that he shows his love for me by keeping my gas tank filled. (It may seem like a little thing, but since we have been married I have only once had to pump gas. And that one time was only because he was working overseas for two weeks.) When we eat out, nine out of ten times, he allows me to choose the restaurant. When my husband arrives home after a long day at work, he often does an activity with the kids, so I can have thirty minutes to an hour to myself. When our son was a baby, I never had to ask for help. He changed diapers at all hours, bathed him, put him to sleep, entertained him. In fact, there were times I was thankful I was nursing, or I might never have had a moment to bond with my son! I could go on and on about the things my husband does to show his love and devotion to me. I am not bragging, my husband is far from perfect…but he is amazing! I am so thankful he takes his role as a husband and father seriously.

Another role of the husband is to be loyal. (Hebrews 13:4) Now this being said, we too are commanded to be loyal to our husbands. When we said ‘I do’ we promised to forsake all others. Don’t believe the enemy when he whispers that ‘the grass is greener on the other side’. Or that men and women cannot be faithful for any of the numerous reasons society would have us believe.

And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:4-6 (KJV)

We are not animals; we are a separate creation. We did not evolve and we ARE meant to mate with ONE partner for life. We also need to be very careful what we allow into our homes and our minds especially involving the marriage bed. There is no right or wrong was to make love. However that being said, we DO NOT need the aid of objects and/or graphic videos. Contrary to what society would have you believe, sex with the same person does not get old. Actually it gets better and better. The only reason we have so many problems is the intimacy area of our marriages today is because we have abused God’s creation! Many of us went into marriage already having sexual relations with one or more partners. We think it’s ok to look, or to have fantasies about being with others. Some women even allow their husbands to have dirty magazines, thinking it’s innocent. That could not be farther from the truth.

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. Mathew 5:28 (KJV)

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9 (KJV)

For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders. Mark 7:21 (KJV)

Just looking at another is considered adultery! And as we can also see here, we cannot trust our heart! So, how do we do this? How do we stay faithful in our marriages? First, is to be in correct relation with God. If our vertical relationship (God) is in proper alignment, then our horizontal relationships, (others) will also be in proper alignment. Second, is daily choose to love your spouses. Love is an action not a feeling. We have to choose daily to love our spouses despite their flaws. (And we all have them!)

We also have to invest in one another. One way my husband and I do this is to have regular date nights. We need our children to see that our marriage is a top priority. A date does not have to be expensive. Get creative. Pack a picnic and have a romantic dinner at a park somewhere. If you cannot afford a sitter, or are not in a season where you can get away. (Like right after a new baby comes). Then have a date night on the back patio after the kids are asleep, or in front of the fire-place on a cold winter’s night. Don’t put this off…your marriage relationship is more important than any other, aside from your relationship with God. Be intimate! God is the creator of sex. It is a beautiful thing! Make love as often as possible. If you are making love, you are not fighting, and you are sure not thinking about someone else!

If you struggle with intimacy, pray about it. Open up, and talk about it with your husband. This is not uncommon in today’s world! Remember, I mentioned above that many of us come into a marriage with ‘baggage’? We need to confess our baggage to our partners and to God. If we do this, God will break off the soul ties we created by not following his guidelines. Pray often; before sex, during sex, after sex. This sounds wired, I know! But God is already there with us! Our marriage really is a three-way covenant; God, husband, wife. If you try the above steps for healing, despite the awkwardness, the shame you might feel, I guarantee you it will work. There should be no secrets kept from your spouse, just as they should not have any secretes they are keeping from you. While this is hard to do, to share our past with others, who better than your partner, your best friend on this earth? If you do this, open up, be completely honest with one another. (I am not saying give names and dates, but reveal your past sins. If you come to God in prayer as a couple, asking for healing over your marriages intimacy, you will experience a new level of intimacy with your husband you never thought possible!

Another role of the husband is to care for his family. Thankfully most men do this; they work hard to provide for their family’s needs. (Even those who don’t perform well in the other areas of a godly man’s role.) Single women beware…it is becoming more and more common these days for men to mooch of a woman. Don’t attach yourself to a man like this…run, run and don’t look back! Look for a man who is first and foremost godly, one who loves Jesus! Look for a man who is not just willing to do the minimum, but who goes above and beyond what is expected of him. A man like this is going to be much more likely to find good employment and provide for a family’s needs.

On this same note…there is a part of this caring for the family role where many men today do fail. Not so much the older generation, here I am talking about many of the men who were early eighties and beyond. Caring for a family does not only mean that a man only provides a roof and food then call it quits. That once home he checks outs and plays video games or watches tv for hours upon hours. I have spoken with countless women who struggle with this. Their husbands come home from work only to check out mentally, disappear into the man cave, perhaps come out when dinner is ready, and then retreat back into the man cave until bed. (Which often is in the wee hours of the morning). This is not a healthy habit! I will also mention here, that while this is not always the case…many times it is not just video games and movies that our men are engaging in while segregated, they are involved in porn. This is VERY common! My husband has led many men’s small groups over the last several years and a very high number of men struggle with this. As a whole, we are too connected to our electronics these days. I know this may sound drastic, but I would say in order to have a healthy marriage…get rid of the man cave, get rid of the video games and only watch television/movies on special occasions. There is too much at stake to have it any other way! Just do a little research on the harmful effects of video games. There are several harmful side effects! Side effects not only harmful to adults, but to children as well. Which leads me into the other role of a husband.

He is to be a living example. If dad is sequestered in a man cave, then who is being the role model for your children? Who is teaching your children how to do basic home repairs? Basic car maintenance? How to do yard work? This may sound trivial, but there are so many men today who don’t even know how to change a flat tire on their vehicle. On those rare occasions that a flat does occur, they have to depend on others to bail them out. Some would argue that men don’t need to know these basic skills, especially if they have the money to hire these things done. It’s not about the money. My husband can easily afford to hire lawn care service. Pay to have someone do all our household repairs, or our car maintenance. There is something to say about men (and women) having these skills. Once, when moving cross-country we had three flat tires; two on our camper and another on our truck. I was so glad to know my man could fix it! It is comforting to know that he was taking care of us. That my man did not have to pick up the phone and call another man to ‘rescue us’.

My husband does not come home after a long day’s work and sit on the couch watching television. He is working in the yard, on the vehicles, repairing stuff around the house. Doing projects I request of him, spending time with the kids; passing these skills onto the next generation. He takes us to church events, small groups and Bible studies. Go’s to our children’s extracurricular events. On the weekends we often go on day trips exploring the world around us. It is a rare occasion that he actually gets any ‘him time.’ He sacrifices so that we are fulfilled. Which goes back to the first commandment he has. (Ephesians 5:25). He is to love us as Christ loved the church.

Our society wants us to believe that our husbands not only have it easier, but are not capable. This could not be farther from the truth. While our roles, as defined by God’s word, are different, I do not think for one moment that my role is harder than that of my husbands. I don’t want his role…I was not made for his role. Just as you were not made for your husband’s role as head of the house. If you are the one who ‘wears the pants’ in your household I challenge you to release your control and allow your husband to take his place as head. Many women are afraid to do this, for fear that their husbands will make a mistake. Guess what…they will! Are you perfect? Have you never made mistakes in the past? Unless he fails, how will he learn? Unless you let go of your control, how will you learn to fully trust God? God will not allow our families to come to harm, over a mistake our husbands made, IF WE ARE OBEDIENT in our roles. Sure, it might be uncomfortable, but true harm will not come to us. In fact, the opposite will happen. If we allow our husbands to be the leaders of the home, God will bless us! This is hard…I know, especially those times we know, just know, that our husbands are making a mistake. But if we gracefully allow him to do so, (don’t nag, and don’t rub it in his face), then we are going to be blessed in the long run. And the truth of the matter, while yes, our husbands will make mistakes, just as we do, more times than not they will make the correct decision for our families; especially if they are seeking God’s council! If you let go, and let him lead, you will find that you were not made to be the leader…the head. That your days will be filled with much more joy and peace than when you were trying to ‘kick against the goads’ and do things your way. (Acts 26:14)

We may not be in the lead, but our role as helpmeet is no less important! Our husband’s success is tied to us, and our position as wives. Without our support, our husbands could not succeed. So don’t ever believe that you are just a wife, mother, and homemaker. You are so much more! That being said, without fathers in the house, (this includes fathers who are physically around, but mentally checked out), look at these statistics.

Fatherless Home Statistics

63% youth suicides come from fatherless homes

85% of children with behavior disorder come from fatherless homes

80% of our rapist come from fatherless homes

71% of all high school drop-outs come from…yes you guessed it fatherless homes

70% of youth institutions are filled with children from fatherless homes

90% homeless and runaway come from fatherless homes

75% of people in chemical abuse centers (to include adolescents) – fatherless homes

85% of youth in the juvenile system come from a fatherless home

27% higher chance of child abuse in a fatherless home

53% chance that girls from a fatherless home will marry as teens with a 92% divorce rate

71% chance to have teen births

Instead of degrading our men, talking down about them and to them, we should be lifting them up. Encouraging them with words of praise! Helping to equip them to fill the role that only they can as men! Don’t believe the lies that society would have you to believe; that fathers are old-fashioned and not a capable or necessary part of the family unit. As we can see from the statistics, fathers are so very, very important!

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace to the hearers. Ephesians 4:29 (KJV)

Let your husband know how much you appreciate him and all he does for you and your family; not just today, on Father’s day, but every day!

Pause to Remember



“When you get settled somewhere, you write me,” Mary said, as we sat in her truck just out font of the bus depot. “Promise me you’ll write. I want to know you’re ok. And if things don’t work out, you let me know, and we’ll get you home.”

“I promise I’ll write,” I replied. “Thank you for the ride and for everything, Mary. The truth is, I don’t know how I would have survived all these years without your friendship.”

She smiled, and I could tell she was holding back tears. “Good luck, Anne.”

I nodded then opened the door. I stepped out and, quickly closing the door, I ran for cover. I was glad Mary had offered to give me a ride because she was right, it had begun to rain on our drive into town, and it was not pouring. Once under cover, I turned around. She waived as she drove off, and I waived back. When I could no longer see her truck, I entered the bus station. An older man was sitting in a chair nearest the door. His head was back, and his eyes were closed-most likely sleeping. Three young boys in uniform were waiting for a bus as well. They looked to be sixteen, maybe seventeen years old. They were all talking and laughing, having a good time. I wondered if they had any idea what they were about to experience. Would they return home alive or in a box like Eric? I took a deep breath and held in my tears at the thought of Eric. I hadn’t said goodbye to him or Mama. I hadn’t thought to ask Mary to take me by the graveyard. Of course, in this rain, it wouldn’t have been a good idea. I would most likely get sick…. (Excerpt from Box of Treasures.)


Thank you to all the ‘Eric’s’ who sacrificed your lives for our freedom!

While we are swimming, barbecuing, and enjoying all the other Memorial Day festivities this weekend with our friends and families, let is pause to remember the greatest sacrifice of all; Jesus Christ. Without His sacrifice on the cross for our sins and His resurrection three days later, we would have no hope! Nor would we know his love, joy and peace. He was the ultimate sacrifice! It’s only because of Jesus that we in turn can learn to live our lives sacrificially.

Animal Sacrificed Insufficient

For the law, having a shadow of the good things to come, and not the very image of the things, can never with these same sacrificed, which they offer continually year by year, make those who approach perfect. For then would they not have ceased to be offered? For the worshipers, once purified, would have had no more consciousness of sins. But in those sacrifices there is a reminder of sins every year. For it is not possible that the blood of bulls and goats could take away sins.

Christ’s Death Fulfills God’s Will

Therefore, when He came into the world, He said: “Sacrifice and offering You did not desire, but a body You have prepared for Me. In burnt offerings and sacrifices for sin you had no pleasure. Then I said, ‘Behold, I have come-In the volume of the book it is written of Me-to do Your will, O God.’”

Previously saying, “Sacrifice and offering, burnt offerings, and offerings for sin You did not desire, nor had pleasure in them” (which are offered according to the law), then He said, “Behold, I have come to do Your will, O God.” He takes away the first that He may establish the second. By that will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once and for all.

Christ’s Death Perfects the Sanctified

And every priest stands ministering daily and offering repeatedly the same sacrificed, which can never take away sins. But this Man, after He has offered one sacrifice for sins forever, sat down at the right hand of God, from that time waiting till His enemies are made His footstool. For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are being sanctified. But the Holy Spirit also witnesses to us; for after He has said before. This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, says the LORD: I will put My laws into their hearts, and in their minds I will write them,” then He adds, “Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.” Now where there is remission of these, there is no longer an offering for sin.

Hold Fast Your Confession

Therefore, brethren, having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He consecrated for us, through the veil, that is, His flesh, and having a High Priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.

The Just Live by Faith

For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries. Anyone who has rejected Moses’ law dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. Of how much worse punishment, do you suppose, will he be thought worthy who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, counted the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified a common thing, and insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. And again, “The LORD will judge His people.” It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. But recall the former days in which, after you were Illuminated, you endured a great struggle with sufferings: partly while you were made a spectacle both by reproaches and tribulations, and partly while you became companions of those who were so treated; for you had compassion on me in my chains, and joyfully accepted the plundering of your goods, knowing that you have a better and an enduring possession for yourselves in heaven. Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise:

For yet a little while, and He who is coming will come and will not tarry. Now the just shall live by faith; but it anyone draws back, my soul has no pleasure in him.”

But we are not of those who draw back to perdition, but of those who believe to the saving of the soul.

Hebrews 10 (NKJV)



To the mothers…


To the mother like…

Eve, who has failed in one aspect or another, and the entire ‘world’ knows. Who got up and started new. Pushed on and persevered, despite your failures and all the ‘family drama’…Keep your head up. You are not who enemy says you are…You are the mother of life, and without you nations would not even exist.

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy; I am come that they may have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10 (KJV)

Sarah (Genesis 11:30, 21:1-2), Rebekah (Genesis 25:21), Rachel (Genesis 29:21, 30:22) Samson’s mother; unnamed, (Judges 13: 1-3) and Hannah (1 Samuel 1:5-6, 20), all these women, who wanted nothing more than to hold a child in their arms. It may have been a short journey of only a few years. Or perhaps it was been a long, tough, hard several years…But now, on this day you hold your promised child in your arms! Congratulation on your first Mother’s Day! Hold tight, cherish these moment, they truly are fleeting!

… “For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withereth and the flower thereof falleth away: But the word of the Lord endureth forever. And this is the word which by the gospel is preached unto you. 1 Peter 1:24-25 (KJV)

To the woman like Mary, whose life has not gone as you imagined. Despite your circumstances though, your faith is strong and you trust God. You had many happy years with your child…but in the end you lost him/her much too early. Whether your child fought an illness, or was taken without warning; you would have gladly and willingly taken that cross. Life will never be the same; you will always have a void in your heart for the child no longer by your side. Don’t lose faith! God is in control. He loves you, and he too knows the pain of losing a child. 

But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him. For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 (KJV)

To the women like Bathsheba, you too know loss…The heartache of losing a baby. The heartache of a promise that never came to be…or was birthed, but only for a blink of an eye. The wondering of whom your child was; who he or she was to become? A piece of your heart is missing. God hears your cries. He knows your heartache…Lay your burdens at the cross and let Him heal you. It won’t happen overnight, and you will never forget. But over time it you will learn to live with the heartache. And don’t be afraid to share your testimonies, and help other women who have miscarried, still birthed or lost a child shortly after birth deal with their pain and loss.

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4 (KJV)

Or perhaps you’re a Ruth. Your life has taken many unexpected turns. You thought you had your ‘happily ever after’ and then tragedy stuck. God never forsook you! He was with you as you cried your tears, then through the healing process as life continued on. When you least expected it, your redemption came, as God gave you a new start…a new chapter. With your “Boaz” you now hold new life in your arms. Without Ruth, Jesus, the Light of the World, would  have never arrived.

And Boaz said unto the elders, and unto all the people, Ye are witnesses this day, that I have bought all that was Elimelech’s, and all that was Chilion’s and Mahlon’s, of the hand of Naomi. Moreover Ruth the Moabitess, the wife of Mahlon, have I purchased to be my wife, to raise up the name of the dead upon his inheritance, that the name of the dead be not cut off from among his brethren, and from the gate of his place: ye are witnesses this day. And all the people that were in the gate, and the elders, said, We are witnesses. The Lord make the woman that is come into thine house like Rachel and like Leah, which two did build the house of Israel: and do thou worthily in Ephratah, and be famous in Bethlehem: And let thy house be like the house of Pharez, whom Tamar bare unto Judah, of the seed which the Lord shall give thee of this young woman. So Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife: and when he went in unto her, the Lord gave her conception, and she bare a son.  Ruth 4:9-13 (KJV)

Rahab, who is known by all as a harlot…Perhaps you can relate. Your past seems to follow you wherever you go. Don’t listen to the enemy…you know who you are in Christ! You are not your past. You are a daughter of the most high God! Don’t ever forget that scarlet tassel that hung from Rahab’s window which was used to lure men into her place of business; the tassel no longer stand for that! It was scarlet, like blood…You are washed white by the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross…and now as a child of God, you too are linked in His lineage!

“Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be like scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. Isaiah 1:18 (KJV)

Maybe you can relate to Gomer (Hosea 1:1-11, 3:1-5) and the unnamed woman with the jars of oil (2 Kings 4:1-7) Whose lives took turns and paths they never expected. You are a single mother, trying your best to provide for your children. Keep your head up and don’t lose faith. God hears your prayers. He knows your struggles. Know that your salvation is coming…perhaps though your own Hosea or ‘oils’…Remember this is only a season; it too shall pass.

But they who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run, and not be weary: and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 (KJV)

To the women who were not ready to become mothers, yet found themselves in a difficult place with a difficult decision to make…Despite your circumstances, and what the world would have you do, you choose life. You carried your child for nine short months and then in love, you let them go. You are no less of a mother. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise! Hold your head up! What great love you have shown by putting the needs of your child first. By sacrificing your wants and desires.

And the king said, Bring me a sword. And they brought a sword before the king. And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other. Then spake the woman whose the living child was unto the king, for her bowels yearned upon her son, and she said, O my lord, give her the living child, and in no wise slay it…1 Kings 3:24-26 (KJV)

And lastly to the women who never held a child in their womb, but opened their arms, hearts and homes to  orphans. What a beautiful picture of the gospel your life is! For we are all adopted sons and daughters of God.

Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will. Ephesians 1:5 (KJV)

Whether you’re an Eve, Ruth, Mary, Rahab or any of the other woman mentioned above; perhaps even a mix of several, motherhood is hard. But despite your circumstances you wake up each morning, laying down your wants, your desires, and many times even your needs; sacrificing all for your children. Take some time today to pause from your busy life, and look to see all that God has blessed you with. Thank him for this season no matter how crazy, hard, tiring, or wonderful it is. For this season, this life we have, will soon be gone. (1 Peter 1:24-25)

Always remember no matter the season, the passing of time…you have hope! (1 Peter 3:1-6)

You have a savior who never leaves or forsakes you. (Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5-6)

Who loves you with unconditional love. (John 3:16)

Who champions you and provides for your every need. (Philippians 4:19)

How awesome a God we serve that He allows us to be the mothers of His most precious creations for the short time we walk this earth! It is a privilege and an honor to be a mother…and yes, a huge responsibility! But it is responsibility that you have been ordained for since the foundation of the earth! Never forget that you are valued and loved by God!

For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. Psalm 139:13-18 (KJV)

Happy Mother’s Day!

Labor of Love


In honor of cesarean awareness month, I decided to share my birth story. To do so I need to take you back to when I was in high school. I did not struggle with fertility like many women do, nor like many others did pregnancy come easy for me. In fact, I was told at the age of 15 that I would most likely never conceive, and if I did, that the pregnancy would end in a miscarriage around or before the seven week mark.

This news was heartbreaking for me! I was not born with any condition that would have prevented me from having children. I should have been able to have children, however at a routine checkup about 6 mos. earlier that year I was given a “dirty” hepatitis vaccine. I would not have even known that I was now ‘infertile’ at that point in my life had I not seen the short story on the local news late one night, in which the Hepatitis vaccine was being recalled. Those who received the HEP B vaccine in certain regions during certain dates were told to go to their doctor for a blood test to see if they were infected. I just knew I had been infected…I can’t explain it, I just knew. So after pestering my mother for several days, she made an appointment to take me to our family physician. Sure enough I had received one of the ‘dirty vaccines’ containing an antibody which caused infertility.

Not only was I heartbroken…I was devastated. All I ever wanted to be was a mother. This is what I aspired to be from a very young age. I never wanted a career, I wanted to be a mom! In school whenever they would ask ‘what do you want to be when you grow up’, my answer was a mom. And I wanted six children, yes six! I even had names picked out, three boys, and three girls. (Like I could choose the gender of my children even if I could pop out babies left and right!) But that was my dream, and then it was over, just like that.

Years passed, I grew up, went to college, met and married my first husband. The first years following my marriage, age 21 to almost 26 were tough; some of the hardest for me. This is when many of our friends, family and co-workers also got married and started families. Babies were everywhere! If a friend from high school or college contacted me…it was to announce a pregnancy. I did not have the ‘always a bridesmaid, never a bride’ problem, mine was a ‘throwing a baby shower, never a mom’ problem.’ Each time an announcement was made all the emotions that I had pushed away years ago came back up to the surface. While I was truly happy and rejoicing for all my friends who were having babies, I was also hurting. A pain I cannot even describe.

Two years into our marriage my husband wanted me to see a fertility specialist, thinking something could be done. I didn’t want to go, I did not want to hear ‘no’…I was not sure I could handle it. I just wanted to start the adoption process and skip this step all together. But eventually I agreed and we went to see one of the best fertility specialists in the nation. The tests came back…I had the antibody and high levels of it. My chances of conceiving and keeping a pregnancy were slim to none. However they were starting a drug trial at this time that I qualified for. I opted out…I wanted a child more than anything. But even with the drugs the doctors told me it was highly unlikely I would have success. Not to mention the fact that this was a trial. They had no idea what, if any, side effects there would be to me long or short-term. Or to the child, if in fact it worked.

So that was that…back to adoption…which is a story for another time. However it happened, and in May of 2005 I brought home my beautiful daughter! Years passed…life happened. My first marriage ended in divorce. In 2012 I met my current husband and we were married in 2013. When we met I told him I could not have children, and he said he was ok with that. If children were a top priority then he would have gotten married years earlier. (He is much older than I). That he was happy with our family, just the way it was.

Well…God with his sense of humor, had other plans!  March of 2014 we went on vacation. Towards the end I was not feeling well. When we got home, I was definitely sick, spending the next several days in front of the porcelain throne. I figured I had picked up a bug while we were on vacation. One morning while at the toilet once again, my husband informed me that he made an appointment to take me to the doctors for a pregnancy test. I remember thinking he was crazy! He knew I could not have children, why did he set up an appointment for a pregnancy test? I did not want to go, but after being very sick for over a week now I figured I would go. The doctor could do the silly pregnancy test and then when it came back negative he could write me a prescription for some drugs to help me get over this stomach bug.

The test came back positive. Of course I figured they messed up somehow, I still was not convinced that I was pregnant. Because of my condition I was immediately sent the following day, to the very same fertility specialists I had seen years earlier with my first husband. They did a round of tests and they were baffled…how was I pregnant? I had high levels of this antibody that causes infertility and miscarriage coursing through by blood and I was twelve weeks pregnant! I left that office, once again in denial. Part of the denial was to protect myself from heartache. For this was not my first pregnancy…I had been pregnant 3 times in the past. Once with my ex and twice with my husband. But just like the doctors had warned me, all three were lost between five and seven weeks. Each time, I had been so excited…only to be devastated and heartbroken when I lost my babies. I could not handle loosing another baby. Each time the loss became harder and harder to deal with.

This pregnancy continued. I was monitored closely, put on the high risk list, but other than severe, severe, severe, morning sickness that lasted most of my pregnancy, all went well. Better than well. Besides the morning sickness, I had no complications and my baby was growing and healthy. Only after I began to show at about four months, did I even believe I was pregnant. (Up until then, I was still in denial).

I gave my life to Jesus when I was fifteen…and after a series of events that same year, the infertility included, I pushed God away. In my mind he was an angry God, sitting up in heaven waiting for me to mess up so he could strike me down. It was not until I met and married my second husband that we returned to church. It was at that time, for the first time in my life, I realized just how much God really loved me. I was at a LIFE conference having the chains and bondage of my past broken off me, when I felt my baby move inside me for the very first time. I remember looking down at my small belly…realizing that I was pregnant. There was a life growing inside me. This pregnancy was different, I was not going to lose this baby. God had healed me and my dream of birthing a child was coming true.

I say birthing, not becoming a mother, because remember I had adopted my daughter years earlier. And it was her that God used to make me a mom, to fulfill my dream of becoming a mother. And while having her filled that void of being a mother, in my heart, as a woman I still did not feel whole, complete. I felt broken…I could not fulfill the purpose God created me for. I could not go forth and multiply. I would never know what if felt like to carry a child inside my womb, to go through the pain of childbirth or nurse a child at my breast. It was not about having a child that was mine by blood. I have to remind myself that my daughter was not born from me, SHE IS MINE. I love her just as much as I love my son. Her story of how she came to be mine is just as amazing. My longing was for the actual birth experience. It was for my daughter as well. She would never have any siblings. Nor would she be able call me when she was grown, married and expecting. If she had questions about pregnancy and birth she would have to call her mother in law…and selfishly, I wanted her to be able to call me.

But…I was pregnant…God had given me this desire to experience birth and now he was fulfilling it! All those years I had believed the lies of the enemy, that I could not have children. Yet here I was, pregnant. I had believed the enemy over God. No more, I decided! I was no longer going t0 believe the lies of the enemy. I was going to believe in the promises of God. From that point on I was excited. I began watching birthing videos, researching births and my options, taking classes. I decided early on I wanted a natural birth, no drugs, no intervention. If I was going to do this, I was going all in. We hired a doula and found a OBGYN who worked with midwives.

When we found out we were having a son, we purchased all the items we would need, set up his nursery and waited. Waited….waited…waited….I thought perhaps he would never arrive. He was 18 days overdue. And while that does not seem like a lot, at the end of your third trimester you are ready for the baby to evacuate!

On top of my son deciding he was very comfortable and was not in any rush to leave the comforts of my womb, my midwife took a position in another state, leaving just three days before my due date. I could not blame her, it was a career opportunity she could not pass up…still I wanted to keep her in town until after my son was born. I meet the other midwives and I just was not at all comfortable with them…we did not connect. So I thought, alright…we go with the doctor. I had seen him a few times over the course of my pregnancy. But…as Thanksgiving was here, my doctor was on leave. Now I was panicking…now I WANTED my son to stay inside. I did not want to have him until my doctor came back on duty. Problem was, he was out for a couple of weeks and because I was so late, the hospital was pushing for me to schedule a cesarean. NO, NO CESAREAN. I had done enough research to know I did not want a cesarean if at all possible.

Thankfully my doula had some connections and last-minute she got me connected with a doctor who was willing to take me on this late in the game. He was two and a half hours away, but as he and the hospital he worked with pushed natural births I was all about it. So we packed up, and went on a baby- cation. Tuesday of that week, I had a five p.m. appointment with the new OBGYN. We talked and he examined me. And we decided to induce. This was something I was not looking forward to! I really wanted to have a natural birth and I heard that the Pitocin made the pains unbearable. He told me once the contractions began, they would cut off the Pitocin, so I agreed. The induction was scheduled for 10 am the following morning. After the appointment, we went out to dinner…our last dinner as a family of three.

Ten p.m. that night my contractions started. They were bearable, so I did not say anything to my husband as I wanted him to sleep. I however did not get much sleep, maybe four hours, as the contractions got stronger and more frequent throughout the night. Around 8 a.m. the next morning my husband found me in the bathroom of the bed and breakfast where we were staying, bent over in pain. He wanted to call the doctor…I said no, not yet. It is way too early…you don’t go in until your contractions take your breath away and I was still coherent…could carry on a conversation. So he waited, but not long. While we were having breakfast with the family who ran the B&B the contractions really ramped up. So just before 10 am that Wednesday morning, we were on our way to the hospital.

I was immediately placed in a room, which I was thankful for, as the lobby through which we entered was full of people, and after having two rounds of contractions in front of them, I was ready for some privacy. I had an option for water labor, so I took it. I could not wait to get into the warm bath for by now the labor pains were crazy hurting. Not long after I entered the tub, I remember hearing a couple of nurses whispering with my doula and husband saying that this labor was going to be fast, that by lunch we should have a baby. I was 8 1/2 cm dilated at this point. A 2 hour labor…I could handle that. Oh how wrong they were!

Twelve hours later and one broken bed… (Yes I broke a bed. I was one of the ‘lucky’ ones who get to experience back labor, and during a really, really painful contraction, I broke the footboard off the bed,) I was begging for pain relief. Now back when I was ‘planning’ my labor, this was a no, no for me. I wrote it down on our birth plan, and had a copy for each nurse. I even made posters to the effect that under no circumstances was I to be given an epidural. But after laboring for 24 hours at this point with little sleep, and no food, I was exhausted! Thankfully my husband, doula and hospital staff ignored my insane request and the drugs were administered.

Oh my…labor without pain…it was wonderful! Now I questioned why I even bothered to try a natural birth! (Though all said and done, I will be going for a natural experience with any future children God blesses us with.) I was able to rest a bit at this point, but not sleep. Then five hours later, after another check from the doctor he sat down with my husband and me. I was still only 8 ½ cm dilated, not progressing. Our son was face up, and estimated to be 10 plus pounds. We could try to push, see what happens, with a possibility of the baby getting stuck in the birth canal, which would end up in an emergency cesarean, and also a big change of broken collar-bone(s) for baby. Or we could just make the choice to do the cesarean while things are still stable; for at this point baby was still doing well on the monitor.

I just looked at my husband and said “let’s get this baby out!” I was exhausted, I had no energy whatsoever to push. And although I wanted to experience a ‘normal’ birth, I was ready to have this baby. So we prayed together, all three of us as the doctor was a believer, and then we called our small group members and the prayer team at our church so that during the surgery I was covered in prayer as well.

This was not how I pictured the birth of my son, this was not my plan. But I also knew that God was with me and that for reasons unknown to me, this was his plan. In that moment when I should have been filled with fear knowing I was about to go through a major surgery, his peace flowed through me. So at 3:00 a.m. on a Thursday morning, I went in for the cesarean. The staff was amazing, our doctor was amazing! My doula was amazing…the entire labor, but especially during the surgery, for she also became babysitter to our daughter. I have to say even though surgery was not the route we wanted, the experience was amazing. The room was calm, peaceful and God’s presence could be felt.

It was such a relief when my son was born to know the labor was over. He was perfect, strong and healthy! And not quite ten pounds, but at 9lbs 7oz he was still a big baby. I meanwhile lost a lot of blood, and the doctor was having a hard time getting the bleeding to stop. I kept hearing him calmly say to his assistants, ‘push more of this medicine (I don’t know the name) the bleeding won’t stop.’ And then he would say to me ‘How are you feeling, are you still with us, don’t nod off, talk to me.’ Well at some point I did fall asleep, for a couple of hours later I woke, still very groggy in the recovery room with my son already nursing. The doctor obviously stopped the bleeding! The next morning, just hours after the surgery the doctor then recommended I have a blood transfusion. I opted out, I did not want one. Yes, I was extremely tired and so very weak, still I had done enough research to know a transfusion was not something I wanted. So I remained in the hospital until 7 p.m. Monday evening. And talk about painful…that ride back home was something else. Every bump or shake in the road was excruciatingly painful! The two and a half hour ride became a four-hour ride as my husband was driving as carefully as he could to make it less painful.

Then came the physical recovery from surgery. That too was long and painful! I don’t know how some women return to work after only 8 wks. for it was a good 18 wks. until my pain was gone. Even then for the next six months or so I sometimes felt sharp pains. The emotional recovery was not as bad as I thought it would be. I had head stories from others that they had regrets. I did not have any regrets. I had given it my all. And though my son’s birth did not go according to what I had planned, in the end we were both healthy. I know that for us the right decision was made. I don’t even mind my scar…in fact I love it! Each time I look in the mirror it reminds me of the miracle my son is, that God took what the world branded a barren woman and did ‘the impossible.’  I even hope that someday when I receive my new body, just like Christ kept the scars from his crucifixion, that I too will be able to keep the scar from my cesarean.

Doctors are still baffled as to why my pregnancy was successful. But I wasn’t…after years of pushing God away, I was now drawing close. When I drew close, blessings were unleashed!

You shall serve the LORD your God, and he will bless your bread and your water, and I will take sickness away from among you. None shall miscarry or be barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days. Exodus 23:25-26

Nothing is impossible for out God. (Luke 1:37) And the biggest blessing was God’s timing. Boy was I mad at God years back when I was ready for a baby and could not have one. Even with the adoption, I wanted it on my time schedule! Now knowing what I know, looking back at my past, where I was and where I am now, God’s timing is perfect, and his blessing is complete!

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: Ecclesiastes 3:1

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:14

I also have peace, knowing that someday I will get to meet the babies that I lost. That right now they are home, with God. And while I don’t fully understand why they were taken, I do know that ultimately God will use their loss for his glory!

And lastly, if you or someone you know is struggling with infertility, mediate of this…

He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD! Psalm 113:9

What a beautiful verse and message to women…your bareness is just for a season; God will make the barren woman a joyous mother! He WILL fulfill your desire to become a mother. It may not be the way we expect or want…it will be better! For God made us, and he knows what is best for us. Draw close to him so the blessings he has for you may be released. Don’t trust men over God, believing the lie the enemy is speaking into your life. Remember all things are possible with God! (Matthew 19:26)